I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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