Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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