:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
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doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
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If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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