i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
