we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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