was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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