Just cropdusted the office
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
