And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
