Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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