I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
