You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just want nice things and good sex
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
