i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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