JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
