i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
