It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
