sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
