yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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