She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
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I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
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This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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