Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
