Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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