So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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