Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
