so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
