Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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