When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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