his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
