There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
