successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
