Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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