i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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