Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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