Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
