when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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