those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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