My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
