Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize