At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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