who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
