You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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