I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
