Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
