Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
