I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
