You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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