He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
