she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
