dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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