This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
