im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You're like the curious george of whores
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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