i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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