I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
