there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
