it was like his penis was on wheels.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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