how hairy? two words: wookie tits
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
