Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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