When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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