im drinking this country out of the recession.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
