I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
