my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I want her autograph on my taint
So squirting runs in the family.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
