I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I did not marry a roomba.
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