Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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