Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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