I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
