her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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