your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
