So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
