grandma shit on top of the toilet
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
