You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
