This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I cut my penus on the lid.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
