i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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