You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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