dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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