well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
