I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have fence marks all over my body
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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